Monday, May 24, 2010

When can a furnace NOT burn any fuel?

Hello, my name is Loving Wife, Working Mom and I am going through menopause. Who would’ve guessed? Not me! And at 36! Well, I saw the signs coming and I have been having symptoms, but I thought that it was just the beginning of a LONG journey, not that I was going to be catapulted into this torture. I have to say that menopause is just another cruel joke from Mother Nature. The more I think about it, the more I think SHE is a bitch, although I have my suspicions that it was Father Nature, but men did not want to be blamed for all the crap women go through (they already go through that at home) so they changed it to a female. I can assure you: no woman would’ve blamed on her own kind the monthly bloated feeling, the hormonal mood swings, the headaches, the damned discomfort of wearing a diaper or a plug for days at a time, the weight gain, the carrying of the kid for 9 months (sometimes more), the swollen feet, the extra fat that takes years to drop off (unless you have a trainer and your job is to look good and brain wash 13 year old girls into thinking that losing 30 pounds or more in 6 weeks in time for the Oscars or the latest Victoria’s Secret catalog is normal) – and THEN… after YEARS of putting up with this crap, in the name of childbearing, then, you are handed with the Golden Ticket of menopause.

Five years ago my doctor told me that I had secondary infertility. The reason: my hormones were about 10-15 years older than my body and my eggs were “aged”. In other words: unless your eggs are made of wine or cheese, this was not a good thing. Still, God blessed us with another son when we weren’t looking. Fast forward 3 years and all of a sudden, at the age of 35 I was having symptoms that I couldn't explain and refused to admit, but were clear signs: including this burning sensation in one ear and a funky buzzing in another. My heart (which is very sensitive to any hormonal changes) was having a tough time keeping up. Finally, my GYN did a test and there it was: I was going through menopause. Not peri-menopause like a lot of women my age, but menopause. My hormonal age never slowed down and here I was. I was able to talk to my doctor into a partial hysterectomy and she agreed. It’s not like I was allowed to use my uterus anyway, so why keep it there giving me troubles? Out it came. Best decision I've ever made after saying "Yes, I'll marry you".

The symptoms abated for a while. Then, the bitch, Mother Nature (why MOTHER, WHY? WHAT DID WOMEN EVER DO TO YOU???) upped it another notch. Women in menopause have difficulty losing weight. Oh yeah, I said: take that, I will watch my weight and exercise more often and all that. She scoffed. Now, I am having hot and cold flashes. Holy shit. Last night I woke up at 4 AM drenched in sweat. Not glistening, not mildly bothered, not covered in dew… SWEATING. I thought that the air conditioner had broken. I rolled over and saw Sunshine, bundled next to me like an Eskimo in a wind storm in Antarctica. What was going on?? I kicked off all the sheets off of me and laid in bed trying to catch a breeze from the fan, which is usually at full blast, but I swear I didn’t feel anything. I ended up getting up about 40 minutes later and went to the Y to work out. Might as well. It’s not like I could sleep anyway and I was already sweating.

So please, Mother Nature, explain this to me (or any of your bastardly minions out there) how can it be that you can raise my core temperature to the point of sweat rolling down my back, but not burn a single calorie in the process? What are you burning in there? Hopes and dreams? So I got a hysterectomy and tried to get my hormones under control – are you so mad that I don’t get your monthly curse that you have now the urge to punish me? Until what age? Haven’t I done everything you wanted me to do so far? You defy the laws of physics.

And as I sit here, under an AC vent at work, with two women next to me in sweaters while I am dabbing by glistening forehead, I wonder why you didn’t spend this enough time and effort in channeling this heat/energy source in some other way, so we can harness it and use it for fuel instead of dumping oil into the Gulf. If this is payback, let me remind you Mother Nature, that I am pretty sure that it wasn’t a woman that designed the Hummer.


Much More Than Mommy said...

One of my friends recommended a book to me about early menopause. ... Looking for it ... What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Premenopause. There's also one that's about Menopause. I am waiting to read mine b/c I'm in the middle of another book, but I skimmed it and it looks good!

Loving Wife, Working Mom said...

I might have to look into that. I am tired of telling someone about the symptoms, just to be told that it is completely normal and how her aunt/mother/sister/friend had them and that I shouldn't fret, but just learn to deal with it...