Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Old McDonald had nothing on me...

There was a lady who had a blog
And then she went and got a new job…
And work late here and work late there
Here work, there work everywhere work, work
There was a lady who had a blog

There was a lady who had a blog
And then the doctor told her she had to jog…
And jog/swim here, jog/swim there
Here jog, there swim everywhere YMCA
There was a lady who had a blog

There was a lady who had a blog
And now at work she had no way of sneaking time to blog
And no more time here, no more time there
Annoyed lady here, annoyed lady there
Hoping that this passes quickly because she is
Missing her blogging and her blogging friends

Friday, April 23, 2010

Lessons in life #35789

Dear sons,

Here are some other lessons in life I want to impart:

1. Giving me a bear hug when I am not ready and in the wrong place can quickly turn into the Heimlich maneuver.

2. When you start making comments about my body parts, then you are a) getting too old to watch me get ready in the morning or b) going to learn a quick lesson on  not telling women how certain parts look... especially the ones we can't see in the mirror.

3. Climbing into bed with your sleeping mother is ok if it's almost time to get up. Using your elbows on her chest, belly or full bladder to get comfortable... not so much.

4. Trying to get your mother to listen to a complicated story (as told by a four year old) is not going to bode well for you when you just woke me up with an elbow to my stomach. Believe me I am trying to listen,  but since you seem to be awake for more than an hour and I haven't had my coffee, I might miss some of what you are saying.

5. Getting flattery with your mother will secretly work... so telling her at the crack of dawn that you need "someone pretty" to help you hold your book, and then looking at me with those big, sad, brown eyes will get your book held by me - after all, I haven't had my coffee yet. Use this power as much as you can now, it will lose it's effect once I am fully awake.

6. Laying low until I've had my coffee will allow you to play video games until the school bus comes or I leave for work.

7. Answering "yes" to all the morning questions (Did you brush your teeth? Is your backpack ready? Did you comb your hair? etc.) will get you additional video game time. You just don't know it.

All that... in about 45 minutes this morning... Class dismissed. Now go to the "other" school and learn the other stuff. Our class will resume later on today.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Where in the world...

So after my initial glitch last week, I am now full force at work. I am still trying to get used to the new atmosphere and the new “culture” at work but so far so good. The hardest thing right now is trying to get used to my new company.
My last job was based in a smaller company, with some regional offices and a larger multi-state presence.
With this job, I work in a massive company, with regional offices AROUND THE WORLD. Exciting, right? Of course! Until you realize that you need to make an appointment with someone in India, and that they are (wait, let me count…) 9 hours ahead… or the person in Denmark who I called on their cell phone as per his email, and ended up waking up because it was 10:30pm their time… or like today, when I was “chatting” with another person in New Zealand and I found out that they are 16 hours ahead… YEP, I haven’t finished my day and he was already starting TOMORROW.
I keep looking at my newly printed world time zones map (God knows I don’t need to wake up anyone in China – yes, we have offices there) and I marvel how such an image that can fit in my 8.5 X 11 inch paper, can think that it can contain the wonders of the world.
Now, if you excuse me, I have to go turn off my cell phone… That guy from Denmark might be vengeful...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

If you think I'm a dummy, then YOU are the dummy

So I have been now at my new job for almost 2 weeks. I have been through the ringer already and I think I might even survive this new adventure.
For four years I was the ruler of my roost. I knew almost everything and everyone. I set the pace; I was the go-to person. Now, I am the newcomer. I have no idea where to get paper for the copier. For 3 days I used the pen I carry in my pocket book because I didn’t know how to get a pen or where to go get one. Now, I am a feeling a little bit more comfortable.
There are many systems that need to be learned and I have not had a lot of training. It has been a somewhat sink-or-swim experience. Gratefully, the other colleagues that I have met have felt my pain and have refused to completely leave me astray. Someone calls me every day to see how I am doing and when I call with a question, they are happy to help. Either these are the nicest people in the world, or they are just scared that I might leave and they will have to take over my work load.
Now, there seems to be some people who think that because I am new to this workplace, that I must be new to work in general or at least to this type of work. I am fresh meat. I am the new kid on the block. I think that they are trying to see how nice I am and how much work they can get me to do that I am not really supposed to do. I am new – not an idiot.
It started with a simple request: “Can you send something for me via UPS?” Now, see, my new company is HUGE. We have computer systems for everything. So I thought, “Why not? That way I’ll learn how to use the system.” Then, as I got busier, I forgot all about the shipment. Today, I came back from lunch to find an envelope on my desk with a yellow sticky note with the shipping address. I walked over to the employee and told him that I couldn’t do the shipment anymore because I have not been set up in the system, and considering that I still don’t have access to half of the indispensable programs, that I didn’t know when I would be able to help. As I stood there, trying to hand over the envelope, he smiled and looked at me… and didn’t move to take it back. I kept trying to give him the envelope, but he kept giving me reasons why NOT to take it back: he could wait; it would be a good learning opportunity; someone else used to do those shipments for him. I got tired of discussing it and suggested that he then take the envelope to the person who did the shipping before. His response: “She’s just around the corner. You know, maybe you should take it and become her friend so she can teach you how to do it.”
I stopped smiling.
I extended the envelope one more time and told him no. He then tried to GUILT me into it! “Oh, I just thought that since we are in the same department, and you are sitting right THERE… that you were supposed to help.” My response: “No. I work in the EXECUTIVE suite, and I report to SUPER BOSS, not you or the team. My location is temporary until they finish remodeling the suite and I leave your sorry ass over here with the LITTLE PEOPLE.” Finally he took the envelope.
I walked away to talk to Super Boss about something else. When I came back, there was a cubicle meeting between 3 of the other workers that dissolved rather quickly once I came back. Two seconds later, one of them offered me some candy. I thought maybe they had spat on it or it had fallen to the ground, but I took one, because I am new, but I am not stupid. I am a newcomer, but I am only a bitch if you make me.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I am so glad it's not a fashion show, but must you rub it in?

Every Tuesday and Thursday I go to a water aerobics class... they kick my butt... When I go, I wear a Speedo bathing suit... No, not one of these....

One of these....

I know that not everyone that goes to the Y has achieved their weight loss target (me included) but can someone tell the 19 year olds not to wear these?

There's no need for that kind of slap-in-the face. Leave it for the beach, bitches. I makes me want to drown them.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Homework- with a smile

Sometimes you empty your child's backpack or cubby at daycare and find a note from the teacher asking you to do something for your child. The first instinct is to panic: when am I going to find time to do this?? Doesn't she know that I have a routine at home that barely leaves me time to myself (and go exercise, because it gets me out of the house for a selfish reason: ME) before I come home take a shower and try to read 3 pages of a book before I pass out with my nose against my Kindle's screen??? But then you get a homework assignment that you don't mind at all.

Today's assignment came from Mini-Me's day care: "Write a letter for your child to be read during Mail Time tomorrow. Put it in an envelope and address it to your child."

The hardest part is to put something into words. You start making up this beautiful letter in your mind (as you take a shower from your workout). It is so beautiful, that your tears are mixed in with the shampoo... then you remember that he is FOUR years old... and that this note is going to be read in the classroom. Can't be sappy! Can't embarrass him in front of all his new classmates!

I do have a stack of letters for each one of my kids. I keep them, sealed, in a file folder. One day, I will give it to them. I have written about their birth, a particular difficult time in their life (for example, if they get in trouble) about my hopes and dreams for them... these letters are hidden. Not even Sunshine knows where they are, but should something happen to me before I give them their letters, they can be easily found - it's not like there are too many places where I can keep private things around here.

So I tried to summarize my feelings for him, in a way that he can understand and like:

Dear Mini-Me:
I love you because you are very special. One of my favorite parts of the day is coming home after work and giving you a big hug and a kiss.

I am very glad that we are family because you are very funny. You make me laugh.

You are also an awesome helper. You help me with the garden and the tomatoes. You dig the best holes and can water the plants really well.

I also like baking brownies with you. You are good at cracking the eggs in the bowl - and don't even get shells in it or anything! You also mix the brownies well. I laugh when you get chocolate in your face from licking the bowl and the spoon.

I love you, Mini-Me! See you very soon!


Monday, April 12, 2010

Heard at our dinner table

Around our home, sometimes it’s hard to keep a straight face…

Skywalker: Mom, I met a new friend at the pool today!
Me: Yeah? What’s his name?
S: I don’t know. I can’t remember… but I do know that he’s deaf.
M: How did you talk to him if he was deaf?
S: He had those plastic things you put around your ear so you can hear.
M: Honey, that’s called a hearing aide.
S: A what?
M: A hearing aide.
S: A hearing what?
M: Aide.
S: I’m sorry, a what?
M (Turning to Sunshine): Maybe he needs one. (Then to Skywalker): Aaaiiidddeee…
S: A hearing… WHAT?
Mini-Me (Who was sitting RIGHT next to him, at the top of his lungs): AIDE! A hearing AIDE! Geez…
S: Ohhh!… A hearing AIDE…

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Still here

I swear I am around…

This last week has found me in the biggest flurry of activity this side of the millennium. Last week was my last day of work at my old job and I headed down to my new location with Mini-me. We ran every errand possible in 2 days, including taking Skywalker to the orthodontist (no braces this year, but definitely next) a Chinese noodle lunch at this little hole in the wall restaurant (YUMMY) and time at the local swimming pool (Hey, not everything has to be a boring errand).

By Friday we were back on the road but this time it was all of us. Can’t say that we were together because we are still moving stuff down and we need two cars. Sunshine is the one who drives the mini-van, so we took his seats out and now we have a cargo van. That meant that the boys rode with me. Amazing how two children only have to deal with a two hour car ride, have books, electronic equipment and music and will still find time to 1) get bored, 2) annoy each other to the point of fighting and 3) make up in 2 minutes later because they are still bored. This cycle repeated itself at least 10 times. I just changed the music so it would only come through the front speakers and decided to ignore my children for the rest of the drive. As a matter of fact, somewhere in the first hour I told them that unless a) someone was bleeding or b) someone was in danger of bleeding, not to say the word: MOM. At least until we got back to the house.

Once we got there, we had a “camp-out”. Since Sunshine had taken all the furniture out the weekend before, we all slept in our old rooms, except that we did so in air mattresses and sleeping bags. Since I had a bathroom close-by and Sunshine made sure that my mattress was extra-comfy, I didn’t mind it that much.

The Easter weekend was a blur.

Sunday night, Sunshine unpacked the cars while I supervised. HA! Not too bad. He has been doing it for 5 weeks now, so it was easier and faster than me trying to figure out where to put anything. He just gave me a tour when he was done.

Then, I had a rude awakening. We had decided to avoid extra costs until we resolve our house situation. This included no TV/cable/dish or phone or internet. The TV part was not too bad, because we have Netflix for the occasional movie, video games for the boys and to be honest, we are not spending that much time at the house anyway. Then, it occurred to me that I do my banking and pay bills online. Crap. We had no choice but the get internet. I was hoping we could fly by without it, but no such luck. Sunshine was able to get everything installed on Monday – so that’s another reason why I haven’t been heard of or seen since then. 

Monday was my first day at my new job and it was so busy and overwhelming with all the information I had received and am still learning that I couldn’t talk when I got home. I tried to read, and I was too tired. I tried to watch a movie, and I was too tired. I tried to talk about my day, and I couldn’t make a coherent thought. I decided to go exercise at the local Y and cannot tell you what was playing on the treadmill’s TV… something about the news – I think they were in Spanish.
Work has been like that almost every day. Finally today, although I have not been able to learn as much as I have to, at least people have stopped dumping information on me, so I can at least digest what I do have. So… finally today, I get to see how you all have been doing, and I am so glad that whatever is left of my oozing brain is enjoying reading your blogs.