Friday, April 23, 2010

Lessons in life #35789

Dear sons,

Here are some other lessons in life I want to impart:

1. Giving me a bear hug when I am not ready and in the wrong place can quickly turn into the Heimlich maneuver.

2. When you start making comments about my body parts, then you are a) getting too old to watch me get ready in the morning or b) going to learn a quick lesson on  not telling women how certain parts look... especially the ones we can't see in the mirror.

3. Climbing into bed with your sleeping mother is ok if it's almost time to get up. Using your elbows on her chest, belly or full bladder to get comfortable... not so much.

4. Trying to get your mother to listen to a complicated story (as told by a four year old) is not going to bode well for you when you just woke me up with an elbow to my stomach. Believe me I am trying to listen,  but since you seem to be awake for more than an hour and I haven't had my coffee, I might miss some of what you are saying.

5. Getting flattery with your mother will secretly work... so telling her at the crack of dawn that you need "someone pretty" to help you hold your book, and then looking at me with those big, sad, brown eyes will get your book held by me - after all, I haven't had my coffee yet. Use this power as much as you can now, it will lose it's effect once I am fully awake.

6. Laying low until I've had my coffee will allow you to play video games until the school bus comes or I leave for work.

7. Answering "yes" to all the morning questions (Did you brush your teeth? Is your backpack ready? Did you comb your hair? etc.) will get you additional video game time. You just don't know it.

All that... in about 45 minutes this morning... Class dismissed. Now go to the "other" school and learn the other stuff. Our class will resume later on today.

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